Let me say right away I'm no expert.
I'm not an MD, PhD, LCSW, or MFCC. I'm just a DJ. and a DAD. And as a dad I have tried to protect my kids from
anything that would hurt them for the last 25 years. In all that time I never
thought one of those things would be terrorism but it's here and it's scary.
The one thing all the experts I have talked to over the
years have made clear is that the first thing you need to do when faced with
dangerous events that could affect your children is to talk it out. However,
discussing playground bullies and mean boys (I have 3 daughters) is very different
than talking about terrorism in our country and the feeling that it could
happen to anyone at any time. Still the experts say it is best to talk it out
so here are a few points I have collected from many interviews over the years
that hopefully will help us parents deal with this horrible topic.
* Note - these tips are for school age kids and teens.
Start
by asking what they’ve heard before offering any advice. These
days with teens on social media you can
be sure they’ll hear about recent terrorist events and you be sure they probably
did not get the facts correct because social media is big on words but small on
actual facts. Start by asking “What are people at school saying about ISIS?”
or “What have you heard about that?” If they say “nothing,” you don’t
have to force them to talk. You want to
be a safe, non-judgmental person to whom to talk and the conversation will come when they’re ready.
If they do tell you what they’ve heard listen for 3
things: fears, misperceptions, and questions. Here’s how to deal with
each:
Fear
-
If they’re scared, DO say “Lots of kids and even adults feel scared because that
was scary” DON'T say, “Don’t worry about it” or “There’s nothing to be
scared of” Even if that’s technically true, that’s not how they feel and
they’ll feel dismissed and think you’re not someone who’s safe to talk to.
Misconceptions
-
Correct misconceptions with facts. With 24 hour news channels and social media
it seems that acts of terrorism are constant, there not. And TV hosts compete
to have the most scary sensational headlines to grab attention "Tonight at 5 NOBODY is safe from
terrorists anymore!" Ugh. You
can discuss the difference between possibility and probability. Yes, violence
and terrorism is possible in the world, but it’s probably not going to happen
to you. Part of the reason such violent acts make the news in the first place
is because they’re so rare.
Questions
-
Fear raises questions, like “Could that happen to us?” Instead of
just saying “No,” give them more, remind them that there are more people trying
to protect us than harm us. List people who are like the President, police, people
in the armed forces, special agents, and parents. The important thing is that kids leave the conversation with a sense of
safety. And remember keep it age appropriate. If your kindergartner wants to add Captain America
and Ninja Turtles to the list of protectors that's just fine.
I hope this helps you talk about this with your kids. If
you ARE an expert I would love to hear your thoughts and tips!
Reach me -
mail kdean965@gmail.com
Tweet @heykevindean
