How Do We Talk To Our Kids About Terrorism, Or Should We?

Let me say right away I'm no expert. 

I'm not an MD, PhD,  LCSW, or MFCC. I'm just a DJ. and a DAD. And as a dad I have tried to protect my kids from anything that would hurt them for the last 25 years. In all that time I never thought one of those things would be terrorism but it's here and it's scary.

The one thing all the experts I have talked to over the years have made clear is that the first thing you need to do when faced with dangerous events that could affect your children is to talk it out. However, discussing playground bullies and mean boys (I have 3 daughters) is very different than talking about terrorism in our country and the feeling that it could happen to anyone at any time. Still the experts say it is best to talk it out so here are a few points I have collected from many interviews over the years that hopefully will help us parents deal with this horrible topic.

* Note - these tips are for school age kids and teens.

Start by asking what they’ve heard before offering any advice.  These days with teens on social media  you can be sure they’ll hear about recent terrorist events and you be sure they probably did not get the facts correct because social media is big on words but small on actual facts. Start by asking “What are people at school saying about ISIS?”  or “What have you heard about that?” If they say “nothing,” you don’t have to force them to talk.  You want to be a safe, non-judgmental person to whom to talk and the  conversation will come when they’re ready.

If they do tell you what they’ve heard listen for 3 things: fears, misperceptions, and questions. Here’s how to deal with each:

Fear - If they’re scared, DO say “Lots of kids and even adults feel scared because that was scary”  DON'T say, “Don’t worry about it” or “There’s nothing to be scared of”  Even if that’s technically true, that’s not how they feel and they’ll feel dismissed and think you’re not someone who’s safe to talk to.

Misconceptions - Correct misconceptions with facts. With 24 hour news channels and social media it seems that acts of terrorism are constant, there not. And TV hosts compete to have the most scary sensational headlines to grab attention "Tonight at 5 NOBODY is safe from terrorists anymore!" Ugh.  You can discuss the difference between possibility and probability. Yes, violence and terrorism is possible in the world, but it’s probably not going to happen to you. Part of the reason such violent acts make the news in the first place is because they’re so rare.  

Questions -  Fear raises questions, like “Could that happen to us?”  Instead of just saying “No,” give them more, remind them that there are more people trying to protect us than harm us. List people who are like the President, police, people in the armed forces, special agents, and parents. The important thing is that  kids leave the conversation with a sense of safety.  And remember keep it age appropriate. If  your kindergartner wants to add Captain America and Ninja Turtles to the list of protectors that's just fine.

I hope this helps you talk about this with your kids. If you ARE an expert I would love to hear your thoughts and tips!

Reach me -

mail kdean965@gmail.com

Tweet @heykevindean

5 Reasons Your Boss Being A Jerk Is A Good Thing

A new study finds that having a boss that is consistently a bit of a jerk is actually a good thing and here's why. Generally, us humans are more comfortable when things are predictable even if that predictability is unpleasant it's better than not knowing what could happen at any time.

Michigan State University scientists divided  200 college students into 3 groups and treated one group with a boss who was consistently rude and demeaning. A second group had a nice but boring boss who gave little direction, and the third group had a boss that was nice but would fly off the handle and yell at them at a moment's notice.

The results were that the group who had the consistently mean boss suffered the least amount stress levels! It appears we value consistency and predictability more than fair treatment itself even if it means being treated unfairly at work.

5  Ways Having A Jerk Boss Is A Good Thing

5. This study shows it's the least stressful situation.

4. You have plenty of bonding time with co-workers throwing darts at your bosses picture.

3. Never an awkward moment at the office holiday party because the jerk won't let you have one.

2. No guilty feelings about calling in sick (of your jerk boss!)

1. If you print this out to hang it in the break room then get fired .... who cares because your boss is a jerk!

Have a nice day at work :) KDean

Dear Amy Shumer, I Believe You!

When you check today's news headlines you will see that another comic has been accused of stealing jokes. This time around it's Amy Schumer, and for those who are jumping on the "see she's not really funny, she just steals her jokes" bandwagon I suggest you take this test.

Think of your life over the last few days and say something funny about it....go ahead I'll wait.... c'mon say something funny! Truth is, it's not that easy and when we are forced to think of something funny we will gravitate toward common life experiences i.e. "Airline Food...What's Up With That?".

One of the jokes Amy was accused of stealing was a bit about a diet plan where a guy slaps the food out of your hand just as you are putting it in your mouth, who hasn't thought about that? You see when comics or writers are tasked with being "funny" they take common experiences and write about it and guess what happens (spoiler alert) often they come up with the same funny line.

After spending most of my working life being tasked with the "say something funny!" task I have come up with an idea for a joke only to find that 8 or 10 other radio morning guys thought of the same line which proves the adage "sometimes the jokes write themselves".

Amy Schumer has mad skills at being funny and the jokes that she supposedly stole are too easy which is why when Amy says she's didn't steal the jokes I believe her. Besides, I'm sure Amy has the resources to hire people to come up with jokes for her if she needed to. You did know that many comics hire writers to make them funny right?

KD

5 Little Known Facts About The New "Star Wars The Force Awakens" Movie

Today I spent the day in Hollywood wrapping up some business and talking to some insiders I found out some interesting facts about the new Star Wars -The Force Awakens‬ movie. Of course this is very inside information so please keep it to yourself.

1. Harrison Ford crashes the Millennium Falcon into a futuristic golf course.

2. Deleted scenes of George Lucas swimming in a pool full of money.

3. Chewbacca's‬ iconic cry replaced by Fran Drescher's laugh.

4.Yoda ‬ has epic battle scene gets taken out by Mickey Mouse.

5. Mark Hamill‬.... still alive.

Change A Tire, Change The World.

Since there have been generations there have been generation gaps. But it’s become clear to me that since the technology boom of the 90’s and 2000’s the gap is widening.

This happened to me on my way to work the other day:

I passed a car full of college kids & their stuff broken down on the freeway, in a bad spot. Now after reporting traffic for a few decades here in SD, I know too well the danger of having your car stopped on the freeway for any reason, in this case, with a flat tire. The car was almost over to the shoulder, but not quite, and the two stranded dudes were outside of the car looking at a flat tire when I drove by. Something told me to stop and help.

When I asked the two college sophomores (on their way to move in to their dorm at UCSD) what was up, they said, “Um I think the tire is like…flat.” Ummm… yup, you nailed it, dude. I say, “let’s put on your spare. Do you have one?” What I got in return to this question was disheartening on SO many levels “I don’t know. Where is that?” was the response. I let that slide, since nowadays your spare could be tucked away just about anywhere and could be the size of a donut but what followed was  a string of events that have led me to believe that the generation gap is bigger than ever.

In the next 60-seconds I heard this “I called my dad and left a voicemail. I think he has Triple A or something.” “Maybe a tow truck guy will come by or something.” also “Do you think it just needs air or something?” followed by, “This sucks… dude, get a Snapchat”

At this point I interject, “Guys C’mon your killing me! Get in, drive down the ramp to the park and ride, and we will put the spare on. It will take 15-minutes. Dudes, man up.” The look was precious as they got in the truck and drove down the ramp. It took us 20-minutes to drop the spare, jack up the car, replace the tire (they actually had a full-size spare) and get them ready to go. BUT, in the time it took me to teach them how to change a tire they took the time to...

Updated their Facebook pages.
Take at least 8 pictures, Snapchats, Instagram pics, tweets.
Called 3 people to tell them what they were doing.
Asked each other, “Dude, is there a flat tire emoji?”
Asked, “How do you know how to do this?” at least 5 times.

Sure, it was hard for me to see two grown-men not have a clue what to do with a flat, and harder to watch THEM watch ME fix the flat. But I feel pretty sure that I was doing a good thing, and maybe, just maybe, saving the world by showing the next generation that a flat tire is not the end of the road, it’s a bump in the road. And bumps in the road of life can’t be righted with social media posts or cute little emoji’s. It takes effort and a little “elbow grease” (look it up 20-somethings) to smooth out life’s problems.

Kevin Dean

Reach me – kdean@gmail.com – Twitter – Facebook – Instagram